Crazy
by koswarg
Summary: .:jayne/river ficlets:. River shows her affection for the crew while Jayne feels left out.
1. Sense

**Title:** Sense  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Pairing(s):** Jayne/River  
**Character(s):** Jayne Cobb, River Tam, a tiny amount of Malcolm Reynolds  
**Summary:** Jayne rather begrudgingly retrieves River.  
**Word Count:** 1026  
**A/N:** Wrote this one for a challenge over at LJ! The prompt was "water." Hopefully, there will be more where this came from.

* * *

"What concern is it a' mine if she ain't got 'nough sense to come in outta the rain?" Jayne asked, jutting his lower lip out a little - not that he was pouting, nosiree.

"I really don't have the time - or the patience - for this, Jayne," Mal responded. Jayne bristled at the tone he was using - Mal was just so _gorram_ condescending sometimes. He _was_ sorta pretentious, like Badger said. That was what irked Jayne about him, too. "We need to get off this rock quick-like, see, and it's at times like these that it becomes somewhat imperative to have the ruttin' pilot aboard! Wouldn't you agree?"

"Ain't nobody's _gorram_ babysitter," Jayne muttered mutinously, a scowl settling over his features.

"Weren't implyin' anything of the sort," Mal said, in a somewhat more respectful tone. "But me an' Zoe've gotta warm the boat up, and the last time I sent Simon after 'er, he came back with a black eye."

Jayne grinned a little at the memory. The doc had become mighty poor at handlin' that _feng le_ sister a' his. Mostly 'cause she weren't too keen on bein' "handled." 'Course, she hadn't meant to clock him, but it was funny all the same.

"If she gives me a black eye, I'm holdin' you responsible," he responded after a while, pulling the hood of his favorite water-resistant coat over his head. He pulled his goggles down over his eyes and stepped out into the stormy night.

He surveyed the area, quickly surmising that she was nowhere in his line of vision. _'Course, when she don't wanna be found, it ain't never been an easy task._ And it was much harder to track something with the rain washing away every trace of evidence.

Jayne traipsed indignantly through the ever-increasing amount of mud, mentally bemoaning the fact that he always got stuck with the jobs like this. He paused suddenly, having detected a hint of movement in the distance.

"Gorramit, girl, you'd best be showin' yerself soon, or heads're gonna roll!" he shouted. He followed up with a string of curses when he noticed that his boot had become stuck in the mud during his stop. _This just ain't my day._ He bent over, setting to getting it unstuck. In a few short moments, he had succeeded.

"Stick in the mud," said a sing-song voice, followed by a giggle. A pair of bare, girlish feet appeared in his line of vision. He was mildly annoyed that he hadn't noticed her approach.

"T'ain't funny," he muttered.

"Yes, the man is big and scary. Not funny at all," she agreed in a serious tone. He got the feeling she was making fun of him. He glared at her through his goggles. She just grinned back at him, seemingly in a very good mood. He hated it when she was in a good mood. That was when she was at her most creepifyin', in his opinion. At least she seemed to be more or less agreeable.

"Mal wants ya back on the boat."

"She is happy here."

"I ain't askin'."

"Maybe the girl would be more inclined to agree if you phrased it more amicably," she insisted.

Jayne sighed. If there was one thing she was a master at, it was making things difficult. "Fine. Mal wants ya to get yer skinny ass on the _gorram_ boat, pronto-like." River frowned at him. "Please," he added as an afterthought. He really didn't have the patience for this.

"It would be best not to upset the Captain Daddy," she said finally, turning towards _Serenity_, and leaving Jayne to think on how easily she'd acquiesced as he jogged to catch up to her.

"Why wouldja do such a fool thing as come out in this weather, anyway?" he asked, trying to distract himself from the way her too-thin dress clung to her skin. "You'll catch yer death."

River stopped walking so suddenly he almost crashed into her. She tilted her head to one side. "She will not become ill," she said after a while. When she didn't immediately start walking again, Jayne prodded her harshly in the back.

"Oi, get movin'."

He walked around to stand in front of her, noticing that her face was now upturned and her eyes were closed. She sighed happily. It was a strange noise coming from her. He decided not to think on the noise too long; it was making him wonder what else could elicit that sound from her lips.

_If that weren't a weird thought, I dunno what is._

"She loves the rain," she said, and he silently thanked her for giving him something else to think on.

"Don't care, get a ruttin' move on!" River grinned and continued walking, giving no indication that she even realized he was there. He hated when he got angry at her and she didn't get angry right back. Like he said, creepifyin' when she was in a good mood.

"The water flows into her. She is a River," she asserted.

They were nearly back to the ship, thankfully, because now he was beginning to think about things _flowing into her_ and..._what the _gorram_ hell is wrong with me?_

Not that he normally minded those kinds of thoughts (hell, he thrived on them), but he didn't generally welcome them about people he could barely put up with. _Must be somethin' funny in his water._

Finally, _finally_ they were back to _Serenity_, and without further incident. _Gotta be a _gorram_ record_, Jayne thought. _'Course, Mal ain't around to mess things up._

"Ya'd better get to the bridge."

"She thanks you for your concern."

"Huh?"

"About her well-being."

"Weren't concerned. Woulda left ya out there, were it up ta me."

"I see," she responded, and Jayne thought maybe she wasn't grinning as genuinely as she'd been before. "Then she revokes her thanks." And with that, she spun around and drifted up the stairs to the bridge.

He set to closing up the ship, pushing the buttons rather more harshly than was necessary.

"Weren't like I wanted her _gorram_ thanks," he muttered bitterly, trying to ignore the stinging in his chest.


	2. Excluded

**Title:** Excluded  
**Characters:** Jayne, River, the rest of the crew (notably Wash, Mal, & Kaylee)  
**Rating:** PG  
**Word Count:** 1356  
**Summary:** River shows her affection for the crew while Jayne feels left out.  
**Notes/Warnings:** Timeline is post-OiS, pre-Serenity. This chapter and the first chapter are not connected at all (they're separate fics, as that's how I post my fics) - well, I guess they could be connected if you want them to be, even if this one takes place before the first. xD Anyway, onto the fic!

* * *

It wasn't as though he paid special attention to her, or anything. But by the third time she'd made her way through the mess, he was getting a little curious.

So he decided to tail her.

He followed her down to the passenger dorms, to Book's room, careful to keep a safe distance so she wouldn't notice him. It was hard to see what was going on from where he was standing, but it looked to him like River was...was she _hugging_ the preacher?

_Huh_, was all Jayne could think. _...huh._ He didn't think he'd ever seen River touch anyone besides her brother before. She was soon leaving Book's room, turning to give him a wave and a smile on the way out.

Well, now he was intrigued.

Next she was skipping jauntily up the stairs, back towards the mess. She turned toward the crew quarters, swaying as she half-walked, half-danced in the direction of the bridge.

Gorram _moonbrain_, he thought, rolling his eyes at her display.

He watched from a considerable distance as she entered the bridge, where Wash was occupying the pilot's chair, playing with those dinosaurs of his. Wash paused in his behavior as River approached.

Jayne couldn't see her face from where he was standing, but it was obvious from the way Wash was focused on her that she was speaking. Before he knew it, the pilot was standing, and River was wrapping him in a tight embrace, prompting Jayne to think on what exactly he'd done to deserve it.

_The preacher, alright, I could understand that, but that annoyin' little pipsqueak?_ Jayne scowled, suddenly thinking that Wash was enjoying the hug a little _too_ much, in his opinion.

He barely had time to slip down into his bunk before River was heading back down the hallway. _Quick little thing_, he thought, waiting a few moments before emerging again. He poked his head out just in time to see her breeze through the mess, walking toward the catwalk.

He stood at the entrance to the cargo bay, hiding partially behind the door frame, silently observing as River drifted down the stairs.

Mal was standing in the corner next to some crates, holding what appeared to be a clipboard in one hand and a pen in the other. Jayne found that strange, as he'd never actually seen Mal doing paperwork before. He wondered what other sorts of things Mal did when he wasn't looking.

River approached, tapping him on the shoulder. Mal seemed surprised at first, but his expression soon softened into a warm smile. Jayne could hear Mal's voice in his head saying, "Hey there, little River."

Just as before, River spoke for a few moments, then wrapped her skinny arms around Mal's neck.

This hug lasted considerably longer than the previous two had. Jayne ran his tongue over his teeth, something he often did when he was annoyed. He bristled a little when he noticed Mal gently rubbing the girl's back.

As soon as they broke apart, Jayne turned away, a disgusted look gracing his features. Kaylee bounded in from the engine room, giving him a curious look as she headed over to the stove.

"What's got yer unders in a twist?"

"I needa excuse to be in a bad mood?" he snapped, crossing his arms in irritation.

"I reckon not," she responded, shrugging. "Ya may as well sit," she continued, gesturing to the table with the spoon in her hand, "supper's nearly ready." Jayne kicked Mal's chair before settling into the seat he usually took.

"Soup's on!" Kaylee shouted, setting a stack of plates and silverware in front of Jayne, who placed them around the table.

The crew filed into the mess, and within a few minutes, most of them were tearing into their dinner. Jayne was eating considerably more slowly than usual, finding his appetite somewhat diminished for a reason he couldn't identify.

River, who was sitting next to him, reached over to pick a piece of bread from his plate. When he made no move to stop her and didn't even give any indication that he'd noticed, she spoke.

"Are the victuals unsatisfactory?" she queried, tilting her head at him. Jayne noted that Kaylee looked worried at the thought, so he rushed to assuage her concerns.

"Naw, just ain't that hungry."

There was a brief moment of silence as everyone at the table paused in their activities, absorbing what Jayne had just said.

"Well, that's one thing I never thought I'd hear ya say," Mal said. Jayne's glare went unnoticed as everyone resumed eating. Deciding that the rest of the crew was suitably distracted, he turned to River.

"What was ya about on the ship today?" he asked her, glad that no one seemed to overhear or even notice that he was addressing her, as that would have no doubt given them pause, as well. She didn't respond, only looked questioningly at him.

"Ya know, runnin' back an' forth."

"She was dispensing gifts," she responded.

"What kinda gifts?"

"Gifts for the crew."

"Ain't I crew?" He asked, not willing to admit to himself that it bothered him to be left out.

"The gifts were affectionate embraces," River said, as if that explained everything.

"Aw, does Jayne-y need a hug?" Wash interrupted before Jayne could respond. Jayne cursed himself for not noticing that the little man had been listening in. He was just about to wipe that smug look off of Wash's face when he was interrupted again by Mal.

"Don't tell me my merc's gettin' soft on me. Next thing ya know, he'll be wantin' frilly pink dresses, too."

The table erupted in laughter. Even Zoë cracked a smile, though she seemed to be attempting to hide it. Jayne stood up abruptly and stalked towards his bunk, not even bothering to grab some food on his way out.

--

He watched over the top of his magazine as the girl poked her head into his bunk.

"Get the hell outta here," he sneered at her.

"She meant no offense," River said, as if she hadn't heard him.

Jayne didn't respond, only pulled the magazine farther up to obstruct his view of River's head.

"She did not think the Jayne-man would wish for physical contact with the girl." Her voice was much closer now.

"I _don't_," Jayne answered without looking up. Not that Jayne had ever been averse to "gettin' physical" with most women-folk.

"Actions speak more loudly," she said. He dropped his magazine into his lap, not quite sure what she meant.

"He followed her," she continued. "Spied."

Jayne's jaw clenched. So she'd known he was there all the time?

"The crew is her family now. Shows of affection are appropriate."

"Whatever, ain't none a' my concern."

"She desired to give the mercenary a hug as well. She reached the conclusion that her offer would be rejected."

She paused, as though expecting him to respond. The silence stretched between them for a few moments before she continued.

"Did she miscalculate?"

Jayne was uncharacteristically at a loss to answer; even though his mind was telling him to shout, "Hell no, you wasn't wrong!" and send her on her way, he couldn't bring himself to say anything. He simply hoped that she would take it upon herself to leave, as he was in no mood to force her.

But rather than leaving, she stepped closer to him. He could feel her long hair tickling his arm. Jayne let out a shaky breath, disturbed by her closeness.

"What the _gorram_ hell d'you want?" he asked fiercely, fed up with her staring at him. She responded by jumping into his lap and wrapping her arms around his neck. On reflex, Jayne's hands came around to cup her bottom, but he quickly removed them when he realized what exactly he'd been doing. Not finding any suitable place to put them, he simply let them rest on his bunk.

"Jayne is family, too," she whispered against his ear. He shuddered at the sensation.

"Yeah, yeah," Jayne responded, immensely proud that he sounded much calmer than he felt. "Just don't go tellin' nobody 'bout this."


End file.
